


Oxfords Aren't Glass Slippers (But They're Close Enough)

by orphan_account



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Ficlet, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-31 16:04:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3984253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five Ways Eggsy is a Disney Princess (and One Way He's a Prince)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oxfords Aren't Glass Slippers (But They're Close Enough)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mintey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mintey/gifts).



> Changed a few words here and there, but pretty much the same as the version originally posted on tumblr. :)

_**1-** _ **_Tragic loss of his parent_  
**

Eggsy gazed solemnly at the tall man as he gently shook the snowglobe in his hand. Eggsy wondered if the man thought about going inside the snow globe like Eggsy did. Eggsy thought it looked like a really nice place to go, with the snow and the mountains and everything. Eggsy thought that maybe inside the snow globe, Daddy would be home for Christmas and Mummy wouldn't be crying and the nice man wouldn't be looking at Eggsy like maybe he wanted to cry, too. Eggsy decided he would invite the nice man to come into the snow globe with him and Mummy and Daddy because he gave Eggsy the medal he'd tried to give to Mummy and he talked to Eggsy like a grownup. Eggsy was six (and three months!). Mummy had said he was a big boy now.

Inside the house in the snow globe, Daddy and the nice man would talk about boring grown up stuff for a while but then maybe Mummy would make them stop and then Daddy and the nice man would come over and play with Eggsy. Eggsy wondered if the nice man was as good at playing Swords as Daddy was. Probably not, but Daddy was the best at it. Eggsy suddenly wondered who would play Swords with him since Daddy wasn't going to come home anymore.

 

 _ **2-** _ **_Animals all adore him_  
**

“ _Eggsy,”_ hissed Roxy, “get away from there! That dog is vicious; don't go near it!”

“Aw, come on,” Eggsy scoffed. “I've always had a way with animals. They _love_ me.”

Roxy rolled her eyes. “Yes, yes, everyone loves you, you're _adorable,_ now go _around_ before you get your throat ripped out by the Hound of the Baskervilles.”

“Go to the left, Galahad,” Merlin ordered. “There's only one guard and he'll be fairly easy to take out.”

Eggsy ignored them and quietly clucked his tongue at the dog on the other side of the fence, who was growling low in its throat. “Who's a pretty girl?” he cooed, and to the others' surprise, the dog stopped growling and tilted its head up to meet Eggsy's reaching fingers. “ _Yes,_ you _are_ ,” Eggsy continued, giving the dog a good scritch behind the ears, which she responded to by wagging her tail and panting happily, tongue lolling out the side of her mouth, and Roxy felt her jaw drop, just a little.

“Unbe _lieve_ able,” Merlin muttered. “Even a bloody guard dog.”

The dog was now lying on her back, tail thumping against the ground as Eggsy knelt beside her, rubbing her belly. “ _Such_ a pretty girl,” he crooned, making kissy noises, and Roxy closed her mouth with a snap before tearing her eyes away from the sight of Eggsy Unwin, Guard Dog Whisperer. “Well now that you've neutralized this particular threat,” she whispered, “let's get a move on.”

“Right-o,” Eggsy confirmed, and got to his feet with one final pat of the dog's tummy. “Bye, precious.”

 

 _ **3-** _ **_He can sing like an angel_  
**

“Have you seen Eggsy?” Harry asked Merlin as they passed each other in the hallway. “I wanted to speak with him about his latest mission report.”

“You mean the one he hasn't done yet?” Merlin replied, raising a knowing eyebrow. “I think he's down in the gym. I overheard him and Lancelot discussing the benefits of yoga about half an hour ago; Lancelot offered to show him a few positions.”

Harry suddenly pictured Eggsy, wonderfuly _flexible_ Eggsy, contorting himself into various poses, which led to thoughts about what other contexts those poses might prove useful--

 _Get a hold of yourself, Hart,_ _**honestly.** _ “Thank you, Merlin,” he said, hoping (probalby futilely) that the slight blush on his cheeks wasn't visible. “I'll go see.”

Harry made his way down to the gym, but Eggsy didn't seem to be there. Bors and Gareth were in one corner, using the weights, and Harry inquired if they'd seen Eggsy.

“Galahad? You just missed him,” Bors said as he added more weight to his barbell. “He hit the showers about a minute ago.”

“Thank you, Bors,” Harry nodded at the two men before heading off to the locker room.

As he approached, he could hear singing, and he smiled as he pushed open the door and the words became clear, sung in Eggsy's surprisingly clear baritone.

“-- _Warm face, warm 'ands, warm feet, oh, wouldn't it be loverly?_ ”

“It would indeed,” Harry said, his voice echoing in the otherwise empty room.

Eggsy's singing cut off, and there was a loud _thud._ “Shit, Harry,” he called out. “How long you been standing there?”

“Only a moment,” Harry assured. “But long enough to know that if we ever start up the Kingsman Quartet, I know who to call.”

 

**_4-He's beautiful_  
**

“I hate it when people do that,” Eggsy muttered, supressing the urge to tug at his collar.

“Do what?” Roxy asked, tossing her hair over her bare shoulder.

“ _Stare,”_ Eggsy replied glumly. “I mean, I know it's the _point,_ but it's so bloody annoying.”

Roxy raised a knowing eyebrow. “It is that people are staring or that it's not the _right_ people staring?”

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” Eggsy said promptly, but the flush creeping up his neck betrayed him.

“Thought so,” Roxy replied smugly as she adjusted the strap of her dress. “If it makes you feel any better, I'm fairly sure I caught Arthur staring at your arse as we left his office earlier.”

The red crept up Eggsy's neck into his face. “W-why would that make me feel better?”

“Oh, _please,”_ Roxy rolled her eyes. “You know _exactly_ why.”

Eggsy cleared his throat. “ _Anyway,”_ he said hastily, “I'm fairly sure that's your target at your three. You look fantastic, by the way.”

Roxy smiled at him and reached out to briefly squeeze his elbow. “So do you. But you always look gorgeous.”

Eggsy blinked. “Really?'

“Of course,” Roxy assured him, twitching his lapel. “You look like you were born to wear suits like this. I'm sure Arthur agrees.”

“Oh, come off it,” Eggsy sputtered. “Go dance with the damn mark, you terror.”

 

 _ **5-** _ **_He falls in love with a handsome man_  
**

“ _Jesus,”_ Eggsy swore as he lay back against the sheets, breathing hard. “Where did you learn how to do _that?”_

Harry smirked as he ran one hand down Eggsy's thigh. “I _have_ been a Kingsman for many years, my dear,” he replied. “You don't learn _everything_ in training.”

“Gotta say,” Eggsy mused as his breathing returned to normal, “it's a good thing you use the Underground tracks to try to see if we'll give up Kingsman during training.” He shot Harry a teasing smile. “If you'd tried to fuck it out of me, you just bloody might have succeeded.”

Harry laughed. “Well, then it's a rather good thing I didn't,” he said, sliding his hand up from Eggsy's thigh to curl around his waist, drawing his lover to him. “It would have indeed been a pity for Kingsman to lose you.”

“ _Just_ Kingsman?” Eggsy asked, leaning into Harry's touch and pressing his lips against Harry's pulse.

“And of course, a _great_ loss to me, my darling,” Harry assured him, kissing the sweat from Eggsy's temple. “Utterly devastating.”

“You great romantic softy,” Eggsy teased, wrapping an arm around Harry's waist.

“After all,” Harry said, reaching a hand down to squeeze Eggsy's arse, “I do so _enjoy_ spending time with you.”

“You say the sweetest things, love.”

 

**_+1-He saves his true love from danger_  
**

Eggsy silently lifted himself onto the ledge and slunk on his elbows along the corridor. “How much further?” he muttered under his breath.

“Another ten meters or so,” Merlin said quietly in his ear. “There should be a small window you can climb through to release him.”

“Got it,” Eggsy confirmed. “I swear, if he's not dead, I'm gonna fucking kill him.”

“Get in line,” Merlin replied. “I've told him time and again he shouldn't be going out in the field anymore, but he's so damn tetchy about his standing as a Kingsman ever since Valentine.”

“'Oh, no,'” Eggsy mocked as he continued to shimmy along the top of the wall, “'it's not enough that I survived a fucking _gunshot to the head_ or that I'm the goddamn _leader_ of a _spy organization,_ no,I must continue to recklessly throw myself into danger to prove I'm not a total waste of space.' Fucking idiot.”

“Hello, Pot, meet Kettle,” Merlin said drily.

“Oi, I recklessly throw myself into danger for _perfectly legitmate reasons,_ thank you very much.” He quieted as he reached the window Merlin had spoken of and carefully peered through it.

Harry sat blindfolded and tied to a chair in the middle of the room, looking a bit the worse for wear, but, to Eggsy's relief, not seriously injured. He had a bruise forming high on his right cheekbone, and a cut on his left temple was spotty with dried blood.

Eggsy slipped through the window and dropped to the floor. Harry must have heard the quiet thud of his shoes hitting the ground, because he tensed and lifted his chin.

“Hello, love,” Eggsy murmured reassuringly, reaching out to pull the blindfold from Harry's eyes. Harry blinked, eyes adjusting to the light, and Eggsy beamed as Harry lifted his face to meet Eggsy's gaze.

“Eggsy?” Harry asked, voice hoarse.

“Hey, gorgeous. I'm here to rescue you.”

 

 


End file.
